these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
