I have demons in me.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
