im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize