Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
