just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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