If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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