She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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