would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
