Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
