i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
