Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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