i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
