He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
