What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize