I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
