how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
