Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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