Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
