I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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