I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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