And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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