I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
