Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
