Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
