Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
