her vagine was all disorganized.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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