I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize