I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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