Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
