Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
there is glitter all over my balls
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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