Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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