Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
