the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
