I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
