i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You pole danced in your parka.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
