If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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