just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I need a burrito and a hug.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
