Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
