All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
