I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
