every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
