he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
