It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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