Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
