the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
