I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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