i think my mom watched the whole time
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
