yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
