I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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