I feel great
I just peed on a car
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The uberlube is also flammable
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
