i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You don't make any sense
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