you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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