i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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