I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
