Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
