He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Randomize
