I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i drank out of a bidet.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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