Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
