I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
