she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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