I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
