This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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