Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
