I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
