More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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