I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
