There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
