Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
