Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
