Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
