my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
FUCK WHALES
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
