i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
