Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Randomize
