so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
