a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I had to cum in my sink.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize