Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
