State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
