I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
