I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
