so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She needs sedatives and a leash
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
