Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
