CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
