there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
