We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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