Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
