you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
