the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
